I’ve been riding high for the last several days. Excitement of the release of Interview with a Master by Jason Luke had me going. I’ve had more people interested in my book. Other good news has come in. So why am I depressed this morning?
The thing about depression is…well, it just is. Depression is. Period. Those who don’t deal with it have no idea why their friends are down for no reason. For me, just one little, tiny trigger can send me crashing over the edge of the depression cliff. Even if that tiny trigger is really…nothing. I know there is no reason for it, but it happens anyways. And it sucks, because I want to be the happy, content person that I’ve become since starting on meds several years ago. And believe me, it’s much better than it was. At least I can pinpoint what’s going on and say “I have no good reason for this, but that’s ok. It’s my sickness. I’ll be ok soon.” And then warn my husband about it. 🙂
But, depression hits every sufferer different and at different times. Three years ago, I couldn’t have said “I’ll be ok soon”. I would have been on the couch for days. Depression has made me do very, very stupid things, because when you’re hurting, sometimes you’ll do anything to get rid of the pain.
*Laughs* Maybe that’s why I wrote Anna. She’s not a depressed character; bad things happen to her. Really bad things. But I know, and have felt through her, the pain that goes along with those ‘things’. I was editing last night and dealing with something she deals with. She doesn’t know how to deal with the bad things because she never had a chance to learn. So, she medicates with the only thing she does know: sex. In my own life, I never learned how to deal with ‘stuff’, so I ‘medicated’ with…other stuff. 🙂
But, fortunately, for Anna and myself, there was/is light at the end of the tunnel. Anna learns that it’s ok for life to hurt. The bad stuff makes the good stuff even sweeter. I learned that, too, through writing. Love wins out. Every time. Life sucks, but Love is good. It’s ok. It will never be peaches and honey in my life, but at least I know how to deal with it now. At least, most of the time. 🙂
*smiles* I’m feeling better already.